I am keen to restart this blog-
I had a glimpse to how I was 10 years back, through old emails to myself. I kept wondering if sending emails to myself might be a better mode than actually writing in the blog.But email address can also be full or subjected to spams, resulting into shutting down of emails.
actually, isn't blog the same?
gotta continue my thoughts later. Kid bawling.
Saturday, March 31, 2018
Wednesday, August 23, 2017
I thought I really need to declutter my mind.
You know how you feel somewhat "stuck"? Even if everything is going kinda smoothly. Nothing major to complain, nothing major upsetting, but just can't quite put your finger on it.
I don't know if I'm alone. So I'm just trying this mode to see if it works by just furious typing out whatever comes to mind, no second guessing, no doubting if it makes sense, if it's ok.
Here goes:
a mum of 2. A loving hub. supportive family, decent job that pays well.
Perhaps it's having too much things in life. Too much material stuffs, that's also eating up my mind.
Been finding myself reading about buddhism and parenting.
Buddhism and mother.
Zen.
Impermanence
Clearing my mind
Simplicity
Joy
when it comes to imaging. the few things will surface
1. white
2. lines
3. wood
4. water
5. Pebbles
6.Green
7. Green
8. Light
very zen looking stuffs. I see it as a need to seek inner peace. thoughts. the need to be still.
At the same time, I know what's my problem.
Information overload from :
Social Media
Facebook
Nothing quite constructive. It's as though my brain constantly needs feeding, if not it will die.Starvation.
That's totally not healthy, and when it comes to health- I worry about
My flabby tummy but I'm not doing anything about it. for now I want to clear my mind first.
Technology has made us smarter. So smart we don't even need to walk to our phone to check our messages. I can download what app desktop and receive messages On my Mac. I don't need to go to the bank. I can transfer money via my mobile. e- payments. Another topic for discussion, especially with the government intending to go e-payment island wide even at schools. ( primary schools).
You know what? I am feeling little better.
It's like lighter. I'm not too sure if I'm describing it right, but I felt my boxes are kinda aligned. So I watched this clip how the comedian described man and woman's brain function differently.
Men- their brains are like boxes. A box for this, a box for that. And the best part - The boxes never touch.
Women - their brains are like wires, network. Everything connects to everything. That's what I think I kinda just demonstrated above I guess.
And strangely, my brain is being emptied, and I don't feel so flustered internally anymore.
And from the start of the post till this point in time, I have also taken the liberty to "read" all the unread emails ( from those gmail, by simply clicking them as "mark as read"-- why bother accumulating when I'm not going to read them, and feel so burdened by the increasing number that pops up in the red balloon whenever I check my phone?
And maybe it's things like this which I think doesn't bother me, but subconsciously does. And it makes me feel ineffective looking at those "numbers" those red bubbles, because somewhat it reminds me of a checklist that's not done.
Then again, it might just be the very fact that I don't have a checklist that's making me so "unfulfilled". If only my vocabulary is good enough that I can pin point down to the exact word that mirrors my current state of mind.
You know how you feel somewhat "stuck"? Even if everything is going kinda smoothly. Nothing major to complain, nothing major upsetting, but just can't quite put your finger on it.
I don't know if I'm alone. So I'm just trying this mode to see if it works by just furious typing out whatever comes to mind, no second guessing, no doubting if it makes sense, if it's ok.
Here goes:
a mum of 2. A loving hub. supportive family, decent job that pays well.
Perhaps it's having too much things in life. Too much material stuffs, that's also eating up my mind.
Been finding myself reading about buddhism and parenting.
Buddhism and mother.
Zen.
Impermanence
Clearing my mind
Simplicity
Joy
when it comes to imaging. the few things will surface
1. white
2. lines
3. wood
4. water
5. Pebbles
6.Green
7. Green
8. Light
( credit to the link post)
very zen looking stuffs. I see it as a need to seek inner peace. thoughts. the need to be still.
At the same time, I know what's my problem.
Information overload from :
Social Media
Nothing quite constructive. It's as though my brain constantly needs feeding, if not it will die.Starvation.
That's totally not healthy, and when it comes to health- I worry about
My flabby tummy but I'm not doing anything about it. for now I want to clear my mind first.
Technology has made us smarter. So smart we don't even need to walk to our phone to check our messages. I can download what app desktop and receive messages On my Mac. I don't need to go to the bank. I can transfer money via my mobile. e- payments. Another topic for discussion, especially with the government intending to go e-payment island wide even at schools. ( primary schools).
You know what? I am feeling little better.
It's like lighter. I'm not too sure if I'm describing it right, but I felt my boxes are kinda aligned. So I watched this clip how the comedian described man and woman's brain function differently.
Men- their brains are like boxes. A box for this, a box for that. And the best part - The boxes never touch.
Women - their brains are like wires, network. Everything connects to everything. That's what I think I kinda just demonstrated above I guess.
And strangely, my brain is being emptied, and I don't feel so flustered internally anymore.
And from the start of the post till this point in time, I have also taken the liberty to "read" all the unread emails ( from those gmail, by simply clicking them as "mark as read"-- why bother accumulating when I'm not going to read them, and feel so burdened by the increasing number that pops up in the red balloon whenever I check my phone?
And maybe it's things like this which I think doesn't bother me, but subconsciously does. And it makes me feel ineffective looking at those "numbers" those red bubbles, because somewhat it reminds me of a checklist that's not done.
Then again, it might just be the very fact that I don't have a checklist that's making me so "unfulfilled". If only my vocabulary is good enough that I can pin point down to the exact word that mirrors my current state of mind.
Saturday, April 23, 2016
Sunday at home
I am an introvert, though some might think otherwise.
I feel mentally stronger when i am in the comfort of my own thoughts, doing things solo.
I enjoy just hanging out at my living room, or chilling in my bedroom putting on my aroma diffuser and just staring into the skies.
I enjoy that my window view is not cluttered with buildings and i have a clear view of the sky if i just lie on my bed.
I love that i could just grab a packet of cold black soy milk off the fridge as i am typing this, when i have my kindle by my side. No doubt, i am more of a paperback person rather than an e-book person, but i must say once in a while, it's nice to be able to just browse online , buy a book, and instantaneously have it in my kindle to read.
Gone are the days, i am able to just hang out in book stores, libraries to find a book that interest me, enjoy coffee at the cafe at whim.
Even so, i have great pleasure almost everyday, as i witness the miracles that happen, when my toddler expand her vocabulary, picks up new skills, when my new born is able to lift his head up, getting ready for his next milestone as he starts to crawl.
I am blessed. I always say that, as i never want to take anything for granted. Anything.
I am thankful for the people around me, who allows me to breathe positivity even when times are rough.
I am thankful, for the place and time i am born in.
A snapshot of my 10 mins solace i have gotten when i was up at the jacuzzi when the duo was asleep during my maternity.
Now, waiting for the toddler to be back from class with her dad.
love,
a very contented mum
I feel mentally stronger when i am in the comfort of my own thoughts, doing things solo.
I enjoy just hanging out at my living room, or chilling in my bedroom putting on my aroma diffuser and just staring into the skies.
I enjoy that my window view is not cluttered with buildings and i have a clear view of the sky if i just lie on my bed.
I love that i could just grab a packet of cold black soy milk off the fridge as i am typing this, when i have my kindle by my side. No doubt, i am more of a paperback person rather than an e-book person, but i must say once in a while, it's nice to be able to just browse online , buy a book, and instantaneously have it in my kindle to read.
Gone are the days, i am able to just hang out in book stores, libraries to find a book that interest me, enjoy coffee at the cafe at whim.
Even so, i have great pleasure almost everyday, as i witness the miracles that happen, when my toddler expand her vocabulary, picks up new skills, when my new born is able to lift his head up, getting ready for his next milestone as he starts to crawl.
I am blessed. I always say that, as i never want to take anything for granted. Anything.
I am thankful for the people around me, who allows me to breathe positivity even when times are rough.
I am thankful, for the place and time i am born in.
A snapshot of my 10 mins solace i have gotten when i was up at the jacuzzi when the duo was asleep during my maternity.
Now, waiting for the toddler to be back from class with her dad.
love,
a very contented mum
Thursday, March 31, 2016
Last day of extended leave and possibly last maternity leave
31 march 2016.
3. Going to the beach at whim where it's quiet, we can fly kites, and enjoy the breeze, before the sun set.
4. Walking her to school early in the morning. This has become one of our bonding session where we will talk about her day in school. ( yes though she can only say few words at a time, but i can gradually understand her), we talked about shadows, we sing songs. We "spot the colours", we will go to the traffic light where she will insist on pressing the buttons. We will walk to the curb where she will want to balance on the narrow curb before she reaches school.
5. J in a cup. This has to be one of more leisurely morning where i enjoy my coffee and julian is resting on the mat, and A is in school.
11. Going for afternoon tea with the sister whenever she is free.
12. Taking A and J to see horses, visiting a friend while she coaches a class
15. Even deciding the menu for the dinner will be something i will miss. This is probably something i only can do when i am home early.
A lot of thoughts running through my head while my littlest one is beside me on the bed, as i am keying this, i am acutely aware of time ticking past. Tomorrow this time, i will be typing away, not on my personal laptop but my company laptop replying to emails.
My stakeholders will be those of the company rather than my two adorable kiddos at home.
There are many many things i am so going to miss, so precious and intangible, but i tried to make a point of capturing them so that i can remember them for time to come. This is possibly my last maternity leave, unless we will be thinking of having a third kid. At this time, i am not to sure that will happen.
These are some of my favourite moments
Moments such as
1. taking A swimming on a weekday evening, where it's empty and she can laugh so heartily!
2. Evening walks around the neighbourhood and she pushing her little stroller
3. Going to the beach at whim where it's quiet, we can fly kites, and enjoy the breeze, before the sun set.
4. Walking her to school early in the morning. This has become one of our bonding session where we will talk about her day in school. ( yes though she can only say few words at a time, but i can gradually understand her), we talked about shadows, we sing songs. We "spot the colours", we will go to the traffic light where she will insist on pressing the buttons. We will walk to the curb where she will want to balance on the narrow curb before she reaches school.
5. J in a cup. This has to be one of more leisurely morning where i enjoy my coffee and julian is resting on the mat, and A is in school.
6. Another moment where i enjoy and appreciate my house in bliss. playing my piano and doing bit of drawing on my chalkboard.
7. Taking selfies with J has always been one of my favourite. While he is still willing to entertain.
8. Going to Ikea on a weekday to shop is bliss cos it's not crowded!! we can slowly enjoy and A can play with the different kids' furniture.
9. A playing with water colours. Her first time and she dabbles with sponge. This apparently when she was still nursing a fever.
10. Taking A to try trampoline on a weekday. And we also took her swimming next-door for trial classes.
11. Going for afternoon tea with the sister whenever she is free.
12. Taking A and J to see horses, visiting a friend while she coaches a class
13. Enjoying my solo breakfast -- favourite kind before i go about my grocery shopping while the rest of the world go by working.
14. Making DIY materials for educating the Duo... using online free printables ( source; measured mom)
15. Even deciding the menu for the dinner will be something i will miss. This is probably something i only can do when i am home early.
16. My kindle with my drink. Although i am really more a hardcopy kind of reader, i must say it's nice to just hold something light and enjoy my cuppa tea in the afternoon.
17. Taking A to buy groceries straight after school. I am sure going to miss picking her up from school.
Will really like to father my thoughts and pen them carefully, but J is starting to feel bored. I will have to end now. Been feeling really thought and thankful for the past few days. Really Thankful. For whatever i have. My motto still stand - #makeitcount.
1st quarter of 2016 has passed. I will really like to thank my family, especially my mum and sister during this maternity period. they have been the greatest!!
Friday, March 4, 2016
revamped blog post
Today marks the day i decide to revamp and revive this blog post. Hence the title change since gulp it's been 4 years outdated from the last title.
I chose "A cup of Mummachino" because i think this best represent my current state. I'm a mum of 2, a 26 month old toddler and a 3 month old baby. I have been thinking what best drives me, makes me happy and i noticed i have a lot of inner thoughts which might be a tad too personal for Facebook, and yet precious enough for me to have it document somewhere than lost it in my head.
i used to blog a lot when i was younger and i think my penmanship was better, i remembered received good reviews through those olden blog ( geez i can't even remember the title now, but that was when i was nursing a breakup and hence those emotions were running high)
Today, marks the day i want to start my writing, blog my thoughts, my life and documents them in pics. This hopefully can be something that my loved ones can refer to, or even something that i can read back should i suffer from dementia. Not hard with those post pregnancy hormones still in me, along with those night feedings which will continue into the next one year, i hope.
Chino, cos i love coffee. to bits.
Well, i'm waiting for my iPhone to update so that i can import photos.
Side note, i just got myself a mirrorless camera, will share more reviews and updates once i get it tomorrow.
Note to future self , at age 34, i am
- impulsive when it comes to wanting beautiful stuffs ( i.e pastel coloured playmate, latest camera gadgets, clothes, currently into nude shades of makeup, clothes, bags.)
- love self improvement books, guides, storage ( think Muji, hip van, ikea, books in kindle, konimari method)
- fiercely efficient with time spent during maternity leave ( like to do lots of things everyday, but yet not planning the day in advance)
- love to find new things to engage the babe. ( think, art and crafts, hands-on, home schooled, toys)
- love to go supermarket to do marketing, groceries, beautifying homes
- super into Scandinavian stuffs, lifestyle
- want to go about improving everyone's life... even if it's going on fine ( super strange)
I chose "A cup of Mummachino" because i think this best represent my current state. I'm a mum of 2, a 26 month old toddler and a 3 month old baby. I have been thinking what best drives me, makes me happy and i noticed i have a lot of inner thoughts which might be a tad too personal for Facebook, and yet precious enough for me to have it document somewhere than lost it in my head.
i used to blog a lot when i was younger and i think my penmanship was better, i remembered received good reviews through those olden blog ( geez i can't even remember the title now, but that was when i was nursing a breakup and hence those emotions were running high)
Today, marks the day i want to start my writing, blog my thoughts, my life and documents them in pics. This hopefully can be something that my loved ones can refer to, or even something that i can read back should i suffer from dementia. Not hard with those post pregnancy hormones still in me, along with those night feedings which will continue into the next one year, i hope.
Chino, cos i love coffee. to bits.
Well, i'm waiting for my iPhone to update so that i can import photos.
Side note, i just got myself a mirrorless camera, will share more reviews and updates once i get it tomorrow.
Note to future self , at age 34, i am
- impulsive when it comes to wanting beautiful stuffs ( i.e pastel coloured playmate, latest camera gadgets, clothes, currently into nude shades of makeup, clothes, bags.)
- love self improvement books, guides, storage ( think Muji, hip van, ikea, books in kindle, konimari method)
- fiercely efficient with time spent during maternity leave ( like to do lots of things everyday, but yet not planning the day in advance)
- love to find new things to engage the babe. ( think, art and crafts, hands-on, home schooled, toys)
- love to go supermarket to do marketing, groceries, beautifying homes
- super into Scandinavian stuffs, lifestyle
- want to go about improving everyone's life... even if it's going on fine ( super strange)
Monday, November 23, 2015
Birth of Julian
Birth story of Julian
I reckon I should blog about his birth story while it's still fresh in my mind.
Not sure how other mummies are able to track down to the timing but here's my attempt.
Scheduled for a csec on the 23 November 2015 at 12 pm ( have auspicious timing to follow,.- baby to be out between 11am-1 pm.
Checked into to TMC at 10:15 left the house around 9:53 am gulp after hub settles the function room deposit payment for the birthday and month old celebration.
Was so worried we won't have enough time cos the paper work did take sometime. As single premium wasn't available we were upgraded to chancery suite 528.
After shaving and given enema, the operating staff wheeled me to wait outside operating theatre 5, I kept reminding the staff to have my binder which I used with Agnes to be brought along ( save costs). Hi by was then asked to take mother separate lift to level 2 to gown up.
Was feeling lit panicky and trying to calm myself down humming Kevin kern,'s piano pieces while staring at the ceiling lights, waiting for the doctors. After what seem probably like another 10-12 mins I was in the threaten and they transferred me to the operating bed. Jitters as memories flashed back.
I was put on a hydration drip by Dr Yvonne lim while given the laughing gas. Haha, aware of what will happen and that I will probably be high from breathing... After the drip, Dr Yvonne lik proceeded with the epidural as I curled up. The pain wasn't too bad it was more when my muscle tensed up and again I was brought to te zone where I could alternate hearing what the Dr said too and fro ... Twilight zone for me. I recovered much faster I knew what the doctor wanted me to do and recalled her saying " continue wearing the mask, almost there , muscle tense ... Ur doing good job"
Finally I got conscious back to reality and heard Dr sim talking, the doctors proceeded with the cut and the next thing I know I saw Allan. We recalled the previous round when I was wondering why there isn't music as in the TV and Dr tonne like proceeded with a playlist of Christmas songs while they started pushing Julian out.
Dr sim commented that Julian has a big head and what seemed like 5-8 pushes the most, I could hear Julian as he was out! Dr sim commented he got a round nice head and all the assuring words came from doctors and hub as well.
Felt it was uneventful but couldn't ask for anything better!!! Julian was out by 12.15 and dr Yvonne lik proceed to help us take photos plus a Wefie with dr sim as well! They soon were talking about having lunch jokingly and that baby is in good shape and size. Dr sim even had a chat with nurses about recipes. I felt so peaceful and at ease that everything went quickly and the mood was so light hearted. Was stitched up ( dr sim commented has to cut abit more cos baby head was huge (36 cm compared to normal 34 cm)... I was wheeled back up to my current ward 529 same ward 2 years ago!!
Now that i am recording this less than 24 hours after it happened and having fed Julian. I am
Just really feeling grateful and nothing else.
Bliss and shall try to turn in as I hear hub's quiet snoring...
Oh... Tended also by the same kind Vanita senior night nurse :) whom I had two years ago!
Love,
Hooeywen as mum
5:45 am 24 November 2015
I reckon I should blog about his birth story while it's still fresh in my mind.
Not sure how other mummies are able to track down to the timing but here's my attempt.
Scheduled for a csec on the 23 November 2015 at 12 pm ( have auspicious timing to follow,.- baby to be out between 11am-1 pm.
Checked into to TMC at 10:15 left the house around 9:53 am gulp after hub settles the function room deposit payment for the birthday and month old celebration.
Was so worried we won't have enough time cos the paper work did take sometime. As single premium wasn't available we were upgraded to chancery suite 528.
After shaving and given enema, the operating staff wheeled me to wait outside operating theatre 5, I kept reminding the staff to have my binder which I used with Agnes to be brought along ( save costs). Hi by was then asked to take mother separate lift to level 2 to gown up.
Was feeling lit panicky and trying to calm myself down humming Kevin kern,'s piano pieces while staring at the ceiling lights, waiting for the doctors. After what seem probably like another 10-12 mins I was in the threaten and they transferred me to the operating bed. Jitters as memories flashed back.
I was put on a hydration drip by Dr Yvonne lim while given the laughing gas. Haha, aware of what will happen and that I will probably be high from breathing... After the drip, Dr Yvonne lik proceeded with the epidural as I curled up. The pain wasn't too bad it was more when my muscle tensed up and again I was brought to te zone where I could alternate hearing what the Dr said too and fro ... Twilight zone for me. I recovered much faster I knew what the doctor wanted me to do and recalled her saying " continue wearing the mask, almost there , muscle tense ... Ur doing good job"
Finally I got conscious back to reality and heard Dr sim talking, the doctors proceeded with the cut and the next thing I know I saw Allan. We recalled the previous round when I was wondering why there isn't music as in the TV and Dr tonne like proceeded with a playlist of Christmas songs while they started pushing Julian out.
Dr sim commented that Julian has a big head and what seemed like 5-8 pushes the most, I could hear Julian as he was out! Dr sim commented he got a round nice head and all the assuring words came from doctors and hub as well.
Felt it was uneventful but couldn't ask for anything better!!! Julian was out by 12.15 and dr Yvonne lik proceed to help us take photos plus a Wefie with dr sim as well! They soon were talking about having lunch jokingly and that baby is in good shape and size. Dr sim even had a chat with nurses about recipes. I felt so peaceful and at ease that everything went quickly and the mood was so light hearted. Was stitched up ( dr sim commented has to cut abit more cos baby head was huge (36 cm compared to normal 34 cm)... I was wheeled back up to my current ward 529 same ward 2 years ago!!
Now that i am recording this less than 24 hours after it happened and having fed Julian. I am
Just really feeling grateful and nothing else.
Bliss and shall try to turn in as I hear hub's quiet snoring...
Oh... Tended also by the same kind Vanita senior night nurse :) whom I had two years ago!
Love,
Hooeywen as mum
5:45 am 24 November 2015
Thursday, April 10, 2014
What i will miss most after maternity....
1. Spending the morning leisurely with her laughing, playing and dancing while watching our reflections on the mirror wall
2. Just napping with her while Dr Oz is on TV
3. Taking her out to my mum's place, our car journey and me worrying the sun gets to her eyes
4. Ferrying my dad and mum out to lunch together with baby, shopping
5. Cuddling her after her shower ( she tends to get insecure) and needed to be nurse straight away
6. Thinking how i want to spend the day, making the most out of the weekday, be it running errands, sorting out clothes, things in the house
7. Walking about malls that is relatively quiet and bringing her sight-seeing, using nursing rooms that is oh-so - peaceful
8. Not thinking about work at all.
9. Whispering "Good Morning Agnes" and " I love you" when she is just awake
10. Trying to multi-task, having two minds, trying to be at many places at the same time
11. Freeing my mind to just relax with her when i am with her...
Such is the life i had during the 16 weeks, i can't say it's all leisure given i had to juggle with two house renovations, looking into who takes care of baby while i go back to work, settling errands, breastfeeding, but this will be a phase which will be gone when i start work. I hate to forget this part of the journey... just as i constantly try to remember the first few days when i was discharged and had to deal with engorgement...
Those were the difficult days, but those were also the days that made me feel human, feel a zombie, feel like a mum, feel like a baby all at the same time. My weakest moments but those were also times when i rose to the occasion, doing things i would never have thought possible.
I do hope now that i was able to breastfeed her for the whole of my maternity that i was able to do so till she is 6 months.
2. Just napping with her while Dr Oz is on TV
3. Taking her out to my mum's place, our car journey and me worrying the sun gets to her eyes
4. Ferrying my dad and mum out to lunch together with baby, shopping
5. Cuddling her after her shower ( she tends to get insecure) and needed to be nurse straight away
6. Thinking how i want to spend the day, making the most out of the weekday, be it running errands, sorting out clothes, things in the house
7. Walking about malls that is relatively quiet and bringing her sight-seeing, using nursing rooms that is oh-so - peaceful
8. Not thinking about work at all.
9. Whispering "Good Morning Agnes" and " I love you" when she is just awake
10. Trying to multi-task, having two minds, trying to be at many places at the same time
11. Freeing my mind to just relax with her when i am with her...
Such is the life i had during the 16 weeks, i can't say it's all leisure given i had to juggle with two house renovations, looking into who takes care of baby while i go back to work, settling errands, breastfeeding, but this will be a phase which will be gone when i start work. I hate to forget this part of the journey... just as i constantly try to remember the first few days when i was discharged and had to deal with engorgement...
Those were the difficult days, but those were also the days that made me feel human, feel a zombie, feel like a mum, feel like a baby all at the same time. My weakest moments but those were also times when i rose to the occasion, doing things i would never have thought possible.
I do hope now that i was able to breastfeed her for the whole of my maternity that i was able to do so till she is 6 months.
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